I Still Believe in Love

In this generation, damn I feel like all my post begin with, “In this generation...” Anywho, like I was saying, in this generation the concept and reality of love seem unattainable or mythical to many— however, I still believe in love. I’m not sure what it is inside of this heart of mines but no matter the circumstances there is an abundance of love inside of me. Don’t get me wrong, my heart has been broken plenty times and love hasn’t always been as kind to me as I to it, but I don’t think I’ll ever wrote off the idea of loving and receiving love. I mean there are somedays I doubt love, but those are the times I learn about myself, learn about my faith in love and how special love is in life. I guess little things occur periodically that remind me how important love is and that I desire it, like witnessing others experience it. Like on the lovely weekend of October 7, 2017, when I had the honor of witnessing one of my closest friends, Yasmeen say yes to her forever.

 Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

I believe everyone deserves a shot at love, but I wanted it most for my friend. Yasmeen is such a nurturer, lover, and all around sweet person. Her and I have had our moments with dating, so when Derrick (her husband) showed up, a gentleman, and ready to court, I was in the stands with bells and whistles cheering them on. It was beautiful watching them date and truly be themselves with each other, and even more beautiful to stand by them while they said I do.

 Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

Unfortunately, many people asked me after her engagement and the in the time leading up to her wedding if I “felt away” because one of my closest friends was getting married and I was still on the market. I can truly say that the only way I felt, was pure excitement and joy for her. I guess it’s just easy for me to celebrate other people without selfish intent because I understand that no two stories are the same. How could I envy someone else’s relationship/life when I don’t know what it took for them to get there?

As I age, I become more observant and I’ve noticed that while weddings should be a time of love and celebration, they can bring out some really ugly sides in people. In my opinion there are two types of people who attend weddings— the person who is genuinely a supporter of the union and the person who sour-apple-bitter it isn’t their time. Don’t be the second person! No matter what is going on in your love life you should be able to support your friends and show up for them without bitterness in your heart. However, no one is perfect so if you are the second person mentioned above I pray you can identify these feelings and check yourself before you partake in someone’s wedding. Jealousy is awful and can be extremely hard to control sometimes, but that’s when maturity should step in.

Everything is a sprint and competition these days and that is not real. Life is a journey and each of us have our own unique paths and predetermined destinations. Timing is everything, trust one day you will make it to where you are meant to be beloved. Just beause someone else reaches a milestone before you doesn’t mean it won’t happen for you. If anything you should look at others finding love and trust that if it can happen for them it can happen for you.

No matter what my relationship status is, I’ll believe in love because I feel it. I feel it for my friends, my sister, my family, and myself. Also for food, Kofi Siriboe, and a good wine. But really though. My heart is full of love! I think I also continue to believe in love because without it, what would we be doing here?

With that being said, not only did I get to witness my friends get married, I got to interview them on their journey there. Please read Yasmeen and Derrick’s responses below and prayerfully be encouraged that real love still exist and could possibly be yours one day.

 Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

Yasmeen’s P.O.V: 

1. What is your definition of love?

Accepting someone for who they are. Considering someone else's needs, feelings and desires before your own (in a healthy way of course). Love includes valuing your partner's happiness and wanting to a contributor to that happiness. Caring about the things that concern them and never wanting any harm to come to them.

2. What are the most challenging aspects of a relationship?

Merging lives, preferences, desires, backgrounds. Understanding the other person's upbringing and how it shapes them to be who they are presently. It's challenging bc we were all raised differently, experienced different things growing up and therefore, we may not understand or be able to easily accept a person's behaviors, thoughts and values that are different from our own.

3. What are three things needed for a healthy relationship?

-- it's cliche, but COMMUNICATION, TRUST & love of course. But I'd really have to add patience!

4. Is choosing to love after being disappointed or broken hearted achievable without baggage or bitterness?

I think for some it is achievable. For me, it's too a certain extent. I trust my husband more than anyone I've ever dated! I don't believe he would do anything to hurt me or our future family. But because I've been hurt in the past, I sometimes find myself on alert if anything looks, feels fishy lol. Something doesn't seem right, I'm a walking questionnaire. And he hates that! For example, we have not so nice convos regarding cell phones bc he takes his phone everywhere he goes. It's goes outside to take the trash and goes to the bathroom to shit & shower. Disclaimer: he has given me his passwords but I have never gone through his belongings. But this attachment to the phone puts me on alert bc an ex would do that. This ex's phone would always go in the bathroom, always be faced down. And you guessed it, this ex was cheating. So now when I see my husband being so attached to his phone, it annoys me! But then I have to remind myself of what I said earlier, I TRUST HIM and I know he'd never hurt me! Then I have several seats and let this man listen to his music while he showers lol.

5. How did you know you've found the one?

I knew bc he let me be myself! That was the biggest challenge I was facing before I met my now husband. I was thinking to myself that I need to change myself, tame myself, be more classy, be nicer. Don't get me wrong, all of those things would be good to do, but not when it's only stemming from "getting someone to like me". My friends know me as the fun outgoing one, life of the party friend and my husband let's me be exactly who I am! I can be fun, ratchet, sometimes too classy, sometimes moody and sometimes friendly/nice. He doesn't try to change me and that's how I knew he was/is the one! He lovesssss me for me!

6. What are looking forward to most in regards to your marriage ?

1. Having a lifelong companion

2. Looking forward to becoming parents

3. Traveling and seeing the world together

4. Creating our own traditions as a family

 Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

Photo courtesy of JF Studioz.

Derrick’s P.O.V: 

1. What is your definition of love?

My definition of love is finding that one person that you can’t picture being without. When you’re down and everything seems dark. That person is your light and your shoulder to help keep you above water. The first person you wanna see in the morning and the last person you wanna see at night. That one person you’ll do anything just to ensure that they’re happy.

2. What are the most challenging aspects of a relationship?

Communication. Things that you normally wouldn’t talk about or you normally overlook you can’t do anymore. Cause life isn’t just about yourself anymore it’s about your partner as well.

3. What are three things needed for a healthy relationship?

Communication

Trust

Fun

4. Is choosing to love after being disappointed or broken hearted achievable without baggage or bitterness?

Yes. You just have to be able to be willing to work pass your past heartaches. And understand that the person you have now isn’t that person who caused your past hurt.

5. How did you know you’ve found the one?

She accepted me for me. She didn’t try to change me. She supported my dreams and goals.

6. What are looking forward to most in regards to your marriage ?

Having kids, loving her forever and growing old having old people arguments

love13.jpg

I think most people have never had a good understanding of love, just a poor interpretation of it.  Like Yasmeen and Derrick mentioned above it takes work. Love is confusing. It has layers and is mutable, changing over time and changing with each new person we allow in our lives. It's nothing to be ashamed of though, but it is reason to worry. The issue is if we don't come to understand love better -- its purpose, its boundaries and its shortcomings -- we will never be happy for ourselves or anyone else in that matter. I’ve prayed hard and long about love, I’ve defined what it means to me, and I’ve made the choice to always choose love even when it doesn’t choose me. It isn’t easy but it makes me feel good to walk around exuding love and most importantly it allows me to be genuinely happy for others around me when they experience it. 

Ok, I’m off my soapbox now, go on scroll down and see some more wedding photos and the love we all experienced October 7 all courtesy of JF Studioz.